And so it begins....

Today is April 21, 2010. YESTERDAY was the infamous 420. Yes I celebrated SO FUCKING SUE ME! I'm beginning this adventure into the world of blogging. I haven't tried it but It seems uber fun. I'm at work, looking out the window at the Mcdonalds across the street thinking how much I want to go spend my last few dollars on a caramel frappe. God bless america, lol everytime I find something I like I tend to wear it out really quick! I worked as the manager of the Check Into Cash store on hebron road in Heath about 2 years ago, when I worked there I spent probably a good 15 dollars a week on iced cappucinos from Tim Hortons lol. If I didn't eat anything all day long I was super excited to know that I had me sweet/caffiene/icy fix for the day. So, on to more important news, I have determined that my life is an endless shithole. Like a toilet. My husband is moments from a mental break-down and honestly, I think I might too if it weren't for this God forsaken job I have. Speaking of God forsaken things, I hate when I get a telephone about something that is rather important and I'm trying VERY hard to not be a complete bitch over the phone......and the person on the other line makes it utterly impossible to not want to find her and rip her stupid over-sized head off, and I say that with every ounce of sanity in my soul lol. Right now, I am on the edge of a cliff, looking down at all that is beneath me. the rubble and the rocks represent the BS that I have over come. Down in the gully below is a BEAUTIFUL oasis, this oasis represents all that I have lost, all that I could have been but chose other wise. In front of me is the horizon, the sun is setting behind the trees of dreams and I have two choices; Enjoy the night and the beauty that surrounds me in hopes that tomorrow I will be to walk away from this cliff, or simply jump. If I jump I can continue to feel the pain and the sorrow for the thigns I have lost and the life I have made for myself. If I wait until the morning, The sky will be clear. I will still be standing in front of this cliff, the gully below will still hold the past but above me, above me is the sky. The sky is light blue with the hopes of tomorrows successes and the clouds are pillows of dreams to come. It would be so easy to just jump. Imagine how much easier my life would be if I just took the plunge and let go of all my inhibitions. I can't do this, the decision to jump isn't just mine, behind me schackled to my ankles are my children. The deserve more than the rubble below and the broken dreams that I hold on to. If I wait for the morning, wait for the sun shine, they can follow me into the mist, into the glory that is another day and the skys the limit. It's so hard to do this!! I know that what I have to do as a person is plug along everyday as a woman/mother/wife.... but deep down inside I'm a 23yo girl. I have yet to experience much of life and the dreams that I hold seem so distant. I still want to be a 23 year old, but I want to be the best mother I can which sometimes conflicts with being the best wife possible. All in all, I am utterly confused by the concept of success and how to manage the life that I have made for myself. At the end of the day I know that I am but a puppet and all the world is a show.

Peace BITCHES!