Wednesday, April 28, 2010
MEN!!!aHhHhHhHhHhHhH
I've been contemplating why GOD even made man. They are so much like children. Today I am at work until 4 and Laila's teacher is coming over for a home visit or whatever, Brad expects me to go ahead and come home from work early so I can be there when Ms. Julie is there....so that he can go tattoo his friend...... WHY! Why should I do that. It's bad enough that I'm already gonna be off of work like 3 days next week so that he can go to Florida and have fun while I work my ass off. Why should I do that, thats less money I'll be makeing. Complete bullshit then he's gonna be snide and rude when I send him the little friendly text messages he gets. He is spoiled. I ran out and got him a PS3 so he could be able to go ahead and do something other than sit there while I was at work all day. I bought him an HTC Droid eris online and paid 125 dollar deposit for the damn thing, when I was given my phone for free and its out dated and crap..... I don't know why the French Toast he is being such a douche bag! Right now im sittin here listenin to Andre take MY SALE wtf im done with the fuckin day....
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Blah Blah Blah
This morning has been perfect it seems so surreal.I don't have to be in to work until noon and although it's cloudy and on the verge of storming it's kind of peaceful. It's funny how the weather can effect our moods. There is scientific proof that the weather and the seasons can effect the mood and actions of people, some more that others. In the warmer months the number of crimes increase. There are far more suicides in the winter months. I am not certain that these winter suicides are because of seasonal depression or if due to the economic state people are just so depressed about not being able to provide a wonderful holiday season. Either way, I know we are all glad to look out our windows and see green plants and trees being nourished with rain rather than a blanket of blindingly white snow.
I am watching my son push his little play lawn mower and my daughter is telling me how the babydoll has brown eyes like we do. They are so young and innocent. Wednesday, a 3yo boy from a small neighboring town was shot to death by his 13 year old brother, the same day a young man was shot to death several streets away from my house. Now mind you I don't live in the ghetto but I also don't live in the burbs.the city I live in is small, no large office buildings or skyscrapers. These things are happening in cities that are small, to people I know. The little boy who was shot, he was shot in the face with a shotgun, not once but twice. You learn that most accidental shootings are single shots. This child was shot in the face, shootings to areas of the body like the heart and the face are crimes of passion or hatred. When you shoot someone in the face you have to want to, you can't accidentally shoot someone in the face twice. I know that there are many people in this world with problems mentally, but there have to be warning signs that your child is that disturbed. As a parent I have no idea what I would do if my daughter shot my son in the face and killed him. Greif for the child that you have lost is natural. But would you be able to forgive your other child? Would you be able to forgive him or would you maybe blame yourself for raising a monster? I am not sure but I am sure of one thing, there will be no guns in my home and I will strive to ensure that my children are aware of violence and that they love eachother.
I am watching my son push his little play lawn mower and my daughter is telling me how the babydoll has brown eyes like we do. They are so young and innocent. Wednesday, a 3yo boy from a small neighboring town was shot to death by his 13 year old brother, the same day a young man was shot to death several streets away from my house. Now mind you I don't live in the ghetto but I also don't live in the burbs.the city I live in is small, no large office buildings or skyscrapers. These things are happening in cities that are small, to people I know. The little boy who was shot, he was shot in the face with a shotgun, not once but twice. You learn that most accidental shootings are single shots. This child was shot in the face, shootings to areas of the body like the heart and the face are crimes of passion or hatred. When you shoot someone in the face you have to want to, you can't accidentally shoot someone in the face twice. I know that there are many people in this world with problems mentally, but there have to be warning signs that your child is that disturbed. As a parent I have no idea what I would do if my daughter shot my son in the face and killed him. Greif for the child that you have lost is natural. But would you be able to forgive your other child? Would you be able to forgive him or would you maybe blame yourself for raising a monster? I am not sure but I am sure of one thing, there will be no guns in my home and I will strive to ensure that my children are aware of violence and that they love eachother.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Memories
Labels:
Death,
Family,
Poetry
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Today I shed a tear for you,
You are no longer here
Tomorrow brings your memories,
Of which we hold so dear
Tonight I dream of you
As I did the night before
A man with great ambitions
Who we can’t see anymore
We’ll remember you through smiles
And remember you through laughs
Even though the time runs on
Our love for you shall last
You have left behind a legacy
A family strong and bold
And when the breeze flows through the leaves
And the winter wind is cold
Your voice will still be heard by us
As if you’re standing near
And we will celebrate your life year after year
--In Memory of Joseph Bailey “Papa Joe”, and John Jack Fisher “Papaw”
You are no longer here
Tomorrow brings your memories,
Of which we hold so dear
Tonight I dream of you
As I did the night before
A man with great ambitions
Who we can’t see anymore
We’ll remember you through smiles
And remember you through laughs
Even though the time runs on
Our love for you shall last
You have left behind a legacy
A family strong and bold
And when the breeze flows through the leaves
And the winter wind is cold
Your voice will still be heard by us
As if you’re standing near
And we will celebrate your life year after year
--In Memory of Joseph Bailey “Papa Joe”, and John Jack Fisher “Papaw”
Like A Ball and Chain...
Labels:
children,
Family,
Music
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Sittin here at work listening to "Ball and Chain" by Jackie Greene. Why would a man want to be referred to as, JACKIE!! I think of Jackie from that 70's show. Song's can have such hidden meanings, this song is actually about Heroine...NICE lol. In a perfect world I would be a song writer and makeing a buttload of money to write songs for people who can sing probably as well as I. I just don't have that image, If I took my ass on American Idol I would be forgotten as easily as Justin Guarini ( justin whooo...???) lol. I have this vision though. I could do it, maybe I should learn to read music first! HAH!
So it's Thursday and my baby girl is at HeadStart and she is having a blast. Last night I took her with me to pick up my brother at daycare. When we entered the parking lot the dance class was in the front parking lot dancing to some Miley Cyrus song. Her eyes lit up with curiosity. We walked past them from the parking lot to the door slowly and she almost made me pick her up and carry her lol. She was so interested in watching these little girls dance, I asked her "Would you do something like that if mommy signed you up for it?" She just stood there with a blank expression staring at the little girls. It answered my question better than if she had said yes lol. I would love to do more things with my daughter. If I could just spend more time with her I know we could build the type of relationship that my mother and I didn't have. I just want to be accepted by her. SAD ISN'T IT! So I asked the woman at the front desk if i could get an application for the dance classes and she tells me their going to be accepting applications in AUGUST! Cheese and rice I don't think she's even gonna remember wanting to do it by then!
I have alot of growint to do as a person. I know that some of my priorities are alll screwey but I know what I want my life to be like. Can't I just wiggle my little nose and everything be perfect? Guess not......
So it's Thursday and my baby girl is at HeadStart and she is having a blast. Last night I took her with me to pick up my brother at daycare. When we entered the parking lot the dance class was in the front parking lot dancing to some Miley Cyrus song. Her eyes lit up with curiosity. We walked past them from the parking lot to the door slowly and she almost made me pick her up and carry her lol. She was so interested in watching these little girls dance, I asked her "Would you do something like that if mommy signed you up for it?" She just stood there with a blank expression staring at the little girls. It answered my question better than if she had said yes lol. I would love to do more things with my daughter. If I could just spend more time with her I know we could build the type of relationship that my mother and I didn't have. I just want to be accepted by her. SAD ISN'T IT! So I asked the woman at the front desk if i could get an application for the dance classes and she tells me their going to be accepting applications in AUGUST! Cheese and rice I don't think she's even gonna remember wanting to do it by then!
I have alot of growint to do as a person. I know that some of my priorities are alll screwey but I know what I want my life to be like. Can't I just wiggle my little nose and everything be perfect? Guess not......
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
As The Day Ends.....
As the day ends and the night skies blow in from the west like a storm of darkness, here I sit in my bed. I'm thinking I'm gonna like this. According to Brad (my husband) he is a nobody because this blog is more interesting than watching him play PS3 lol. I was watching The Marriage Ref, one day at work with Andre and there was a couple on there that were going through this marital situation i guess you could call it. The wife wanted to sit around and play solitaire but she expected her husband to watch her lol. The husband wanted her to go watch him fish haha. The solution: a deck of cards...she can play solitaire while he fishes so they can do what they want together, alone lol. I can dig it. If I had my blackberry like 3 years ago I would have been in heaven. All those fishing trips and long stays at friends houses watching my husband so thins that brought him enjoyment while I sat there dumbfounded.
So, like two weeks ago I was rushing out my front door to make it to work on time. Brad was on his way to Miami and I was going to be staying home with the kids. I walked out the door and proceeded to go down the steps when my pants got caught on a nail sticking out of the hard wood floors of my front porch. As I attempted to lower myself onto the first step I got caught and my body seemed to plunge backward as if someone had punched me in the chest. I then fell down every step on the porch, hitting my tailbone on each hard edge. That whole week was hell. I had to go to work everyday and sit on the worlds smallest stool and then come home and take care of my children who require more work and the average children lol. I then would climb up what seemed like hundreds of steps to take my obese son to his bed hahah. BTW ( he's not obese he's just built like a 14 month old line backer) by the end of the week when Brad finally made it back from his little vacation....(bitterness fills me when I discuss his stay at the penthouse in The Grand/Double Tree Hotel in Miami.) I was ready to pull my hair out. Moral of this story...... don't fall down the steps the day your partner leaves for a vacation, leaving you with two heathens to take care of with a gimped up butt!!
As I end this lovely post. I wish everyone a good night and an even better morning. As Dr. John Ray would say......I hope your feeling "Good today and better tomorrow".
GOODNIGHT WORLD!
So, like two weeks ago I was rushing out my front door to make it to work on time. Brad was on his way to Miami and I was going to be staying home with the kids. I walked out the door and proceeded to go down the steps when my pants got caught on a nail sticking out of the hard wood floors of my front porch. As I attempted to lower myself onto the first step I got caught and my body seemed to plunge backward as if someone had punched me in the chest. I then fell down every step on the porch, hitting my tailbone on each hard edge. That whole week was hell. I had to go to work everyday and sit on the worlds smallest stool and then come home and take care of my children who require more work and the average children lol. I then would climb up what seemed like hundreds of steps to take my obese son to his bed hahah. BTW ( he's not obese he's just built like a 14 month old line backer) by the end of the week when Brad finally made it back from his little vacation....(bitterness fills me when I discuss his stay at the penthouse in The Grand/Double Tree Hotel in Miami.) I was ready to pull my hair out. Moral of this story...... don't fall down the steps the day your partner leaves for a vacation, leaving you with two heathens to take care of with a gimped up butt!!
As I end this lovely post. I wish everyone a good night and an even better morning. As Dr. John Ray would say......I hope your feeling "Good today and better tomorrow".
GOODNIGHT WORLD!
And so it begins....
Labels:
Dreams,
Life,
Love,
Marriage,
Parenting,
Relationships,
success
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Today is April 21, 2010. YESTERDAY was the infamous 420. Yes I celebrated SO FUCKING SUE ME! I'm beginning this adventure into the world of blogging. I haven't tried it but It seems uber fun. I'm at work, looking out the window at the Mcdonalds across the street thinking how much I want to go spend my last few dollars on a caramel frappe. God bless america, lol everytime I find something I like I tend to wear it out really quick! I worked as the manager of the Check Into Cash store on hebron road in Heath about 2 years ago, when I worked there I spent probably a good 15 dollars a week on iced cappucinos from Tim Hortons lol. If I didn't eat anything all day long I was super excited to know that I had me sweet/caffiene/icy fix for the day. So, on to more important news, I have determined that my life is an endless shithole. Like a toilet. My husband is moments from a mental break-down and honestly, I think I might too if it weren't for this God forsaken job I have. Speaking of God forsaken things, I hate when I get a telephone about something that is rather important and I'm trying VERY hard to not be a complete bitch over the phone......and the person on the other line makes it utterly impossible to not want to find her and rip her stupid over-sized head off, and I say that with every ounce of sanity in my soul lol. Right now, I am on the edge of a cliff, looking down at all that is beneath me. the rubble and the rocks represent the BS that I have over come. Down in the gully below is a BEAUTIFUL oasis, this oasis represents all that I have lost, all that I could have been but chose other wise. In front of me is the horizon, the sun is setting behind the trees of dreams and I have two choices; Enjoy the night and the beauty that surrounds me in hopes that tomorrow I will be to walk away from this cliff, or simply jump. If I jump I can continue to feel the pain and the sorrow for the thigns I have lost and the life I have made for myself. If I wait until the morning, The sky will be clear. I will still be standing in front of this cliff, the gully below will still hold the past but above me, above me is the sky. The sky is light blue with the hopes of tomorrows successes and the clouds are pillows of dreams to come. It would be so easy to just jump. Imagine how much easier my life would be if I just took the plunge and let go of all my inhibitions. I can't do this, the decision to jump isn't just mine, behind me schackled to my ankles are my children. The deserve more than the rubble below and the broken dreams that I hold on to. If I wait for the morning, wait for the sun shine, they can follow me into the mist, into the glory that is another day and the skys the limit. It's so hard to do this!! I know that what I have to do as a person is plug along everyday as a woman/mother/wife.... but deep down inside I'm a 23yo girl. I have yet to experience much of life and the dreams that I hold seem so distant. I still want to be a 23 year old, but I want to be the best mother I can which sometimes conflicts with being the best wife possible. All in all, I am utterly confused by the concept of success and how to manage the life that I have made for myself. At the end of the day I know that I am but a puppet and all the world is a show.
Peace BITCHES!
Peace BITCHES!
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